


vertigo hearts

by rainingover



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon!verse but with soulmates, Falling In Love, Friendship, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2020-10-18 07:28:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20635385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainingover/pseuds/rainingover
Summary: Hyungwon had always thought of fate as something to be revered: complicated and wise, and it isn’t until the day he meets his soulmate that he realises truly how predictable fate can be. As it turns out, his soulmate isn’t all that different to him - same goals, same fears, same company.Then it gets complicated.(Or Hyungwon meets his soulmate in the practice room of his new company.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i have had this in my drafts for about 2 years and i've always wanted to polish it off and post it but just never got to it. anyway, i decided there is no time like the present! i have two thirds of the story already written, so i should be able to post fairly regularly once it's all cleaned up & edited.
> 
> i hope someone out there enjoys this!! ♥

Hyungwon had always thought of fate as something to be revered: complicated and wise, and it isn’t until the day he meets his soulmate that he realises truly how predictable fate can be. As it turns out, his soulmate isn’t all that different to him - same goals, same fears, same _company_. 

Knowing you’ve met your soulmate the second you touch them is useful and all, and in any other time or place, Hyungwon’s head would be clearer and he’d be so happy - no, scratch that, he’d be _ ecstatic _ \- to be in this situation, but when Hyungwon shakes hands with Hyunwoo and senses the overwhelming certainty that this is it, _ this _ is where he meets his soulmate, it’s all too much. It hits him with the velocity of a sucker-punch to the gut and he finds he can’t bring himself to keep looking Hyunwoo in the eye for even a second longer. He has to look away, meets his own gaze in the mirror along the wall beside. It blinks back at him with surprise.

Apparently, Hyunwoo has similar issues with how strange this is, because he stops shaking Hyungwon’s hand but forgets to pull his own hand away until Gunhee laughs beside him, not realising how fucking _ momentous _ this is, slaps him on the back and says, “Stop being so awkward, hyung!”

They drop hands, and it_ is _ awkward, and it’s surreal too. Hyungwon’s heart is beating practically out of his chest, because this guy, this trainee, as tall as him, but bigger, (a lot bigger), this trainee with flushed cheeks and big shoulders and his hand awkwardly held out in front of him in the practice room is his _ soulmate_.

The rest of Hyungwon’s day goes by in a blur. He misses half of what Minhyuk says to him as they take a cab to Myeongdong because apparently Minhyuk has the urge to look at sneakers they can’t afford right now, and in the end he has to nod in reply to Minhyuk’s excitable blur of noise and hope that this is the right way to respond. It must be, because Minhyuk carries on talking at a rate of what seems to be a billion words an hour until they reach their destination, so at least he is none the wiser to Hyungwon’s complete mental breakdown. 

Hyungwon _ would _be listening, usually, he really would, but his mind is elsewhere. It’s spinning out into oblivion, racing, whirring with anticipation, with nerves and excitement. He’s also concentrating really hard on not actually throwing up. It’s all a bit much right now.

He feels guilty for it, because this should be the best day of his life so far. Meeting your soulmate should be the start of _ everything_. That’s what his mother always told him. It’s just that thoughts of meeting his literal other half haven’t exactly been at the forefront of his mind recently - signing a contract with Starship, on the other hand, has been pretty much _ all _he’s thought about. Re-reading the contract, visiting the company building, meeting other trainees: these are the things he’s been mentally preparing himself for. 

Meeting his soulmate amongst it all? Not so much.

He thinks about this as Minhyuk chatters away in the background and picks up random sneakers, staring through them while he pretends he’s there in the shop with Minhyuk, but he isn’t really there at all. He’s back in the practice room, being introduced to a trainee he was sure at first was a dance instructor. He’s shaking his _ soulmate’s _ hand.

He thinks about Hyunwoo, about his firm handshake and his pink cheeks and knowing gaze, and about how the timing is terrible, and about how awkward this is, and then about what it might be like to kiss him.

Hyungwon is glad he isn’t set to debut with Hyunwoo because that would be even worse.

It’s weird enough that they’re going to be under the same company, but then again, it makes sense, really, when he contemplates it. They were always going to have things in common - interests and talents and goals. Fate is a predictable fucker after all.

Hyungwon is still thinking about kissing Hyunwoo when Minhyuk takes the shoe he is holding out of his hand and puts it down on the shelf for him. He says something Hyungwon doesn’t hear, and it’s punctuated with a laugh which is probably aimed at Hyungwon and his vacant expression.

Hyungwon says, “Huh?” before he can stop himself and then cringes because he’s let on to the fact that he isn’t really listening. 

“I _ said _Hoseok-hyung who we met the other day just let me know he is adding us to a group chat. Make sure you accept the invitation and actually join in.” Minhyuk waves his phone in Hyungwon’s face. “And then I said to try and be nice.”

“Oh, right.” Hyungwon nods. “Are all the trainees we met today in it?”

“Don’t know.” Minhyuk looks up. “Why?”

“No reason,” Hyungwon replies and, for the first time in their friendship, by some kind of miracle, Minhyuk doesn’t push him for an answer. 

Hyungwon would hug him right now, but that would only alert Minhyuk to his weird mood even more. He’s not much of a hugger. He’s usually the hugee, if that’s a thing. Minhyuk is the hugger, Minhyuk is the tactile one, the friendly one. He’s probably more equipped to be introduced to his soulmate today, and then Hyungwon feels a pang of guilt for not telling him that he met his soulmate less than two hours ago. His _ best _ friend and he hasn’t told him. It’s just that he hasn’t quite got his head around it yet, and he doesn’t want to steal all the limelight from Minhyuk, who is excited and has worked so hard to get here, they both have. 

Minhyuk is talking again and he isn’t listening _ again_, and he says, “Sorry, I’m having a weird day,” and runs a hand through his dark hair. 

“I can tell,” Minhyuk says and then, holding up some sneakers neither of them can afford, he says, “Lend me some money to buy these?”

Hyungwon refuses. Minhyuk pouts, and, as if on cue, their phones both chime with a notification that someone has added them to a new group chat. 

Hyunwoo is not in the group chat. 

Hyungwon will realise as he gets to know him even more that _ of course _ he wasn’t going to be in the group chat. Hyungwon probably wouldn't be in it, either, if Minhyuk didn't take control of his phone half of the time. They're similar like that, him and Hyunwoo. 

People say opposites attract, but Hyungwon has always hoped, deep down, that his soulmate wouldn't turn out to be so different to him. He isn’t an uncontrollably loud whirlwind of a person, like _ some _ people he knows, and he likes quiet comforts. 

The more that Hyungwon learns about Hyunwoo, through carefully placed questions in the chat, through googling him (he feels stupid, but he's been a trainee for a while so there are forum posts about him and videos of him performing, a couple of which Hyungwon watches more than once or twice on silent in bed, feeling like this might be skating the line between stalker and soulmate and freaking out until he falls asleep) the more he is sure that Hyunwoo is the sort of person he's seen himself ending up with since forever. 

Hyunwoo makes sense to him, he decides, even from the little he knows of him so far.

Plus he's hot, which—on a base level, the physical level, the one that has him distracted when he showers on Friday morning—is all the better.

Hyunwoo isn't in the group chat, but he must get Hyungwon's number from someone or somewhere, because Hyungwon wakes up on Saturday with three texts from an unknown number. 

The first says, **_hi._** The second says, **_oh its me btw_**, and the third says,**_ (hyunwoo :))_**. 

A fourth comes through that says,**_ you know why I'm messaging you, right?_**

If this was anyone else, texting him about anything else, there isn't a doubt that Hyungwon would reply with a 'no' just to amuse himself and maybe make the other person squirm a little, but no matter how much he feels like he already understands Hyunwoo simply because they were _ made _ for each other, he doesn't want to risk fucking things up so early on, so instead he replies, ** _Yeah, I do. We should hang out._ **

Hyungwon is glad that he doesn't have practice or vocal classes until the late afternoon, because there isn't a doubt that he'd be far too distracted that he'd definitely mess up, and he doesn’t _dare_ mess up, not when this is his last-chance agency, the one where he wants to end up staying. He needs this to work. He can't risk fucking up this chance at actually getting to _perform_ as his job, even if fate has decided to add some extra complications to the mix. 

It _ will _work, he’ll make it work. Just after he stops thinking about Hyunwoo’s firm handshake and that video of him shirtless and oiled up, dancing with Lee Hyori. 

They meet in a quiet cafe in a back street that is closer to Hyungwon's old dance school than it is to the company building or dorms. It's Hyunwoo who suggests the location, and it makes Hyungwon wonder if maybe Hyunwoo has been conducting his own research, or whether it's just one of the coincidences that comes along with being so finely in tune with another human being, despite having never actually met. 

When Hyungwon arrives, he’s late—or he’s on time, actually, but Hyunwoo is already there, sitting in a quiet corner alone. “Have you been waiting long?" Hyungwon asks him, feels stiff like he’s late to a business meeting and not a first date. 

Hyunwoo shakes his head. His half-drank coffee begs to differ, but Hyungwon doesn't mention this. "I ordered you this." Hyunwoo pushes a mug across the table towards where Hyungwon is unwinding his scarf and desperately trying to loosen up. "I don't know why," he adds, cheeks flushed. It's so cute, Hyungwon can't help but smile.

"Intuition?" Hyungwon suggests, sitting down. There is a soft mountain of milky foam, dabbled with half melted chocolate, atop the cup. "Is it a—it's a cappuccino, yeah? 

"Is it right?" Hyunwoo asks. He's ripped his napkin into three strands, but maybe he doesn't realise it. "Is it your usual order?”

Hyungwon thinks about lying, but decides against it. "It wouldn't be my first choice, but it's hot and it's caffeinated, so... Thanks." He pauses. "You know, I don't think this is meant to be as awkward as it feels." He laughs after he says it, because it doesn’t seem to matter. It's _ alright _that it's awkward, because he can't really imagine anything other than this for a first date anyway. For this first date, with this person. _ His _ person.

Because it isn't like Hyungwon hasn't been on first dates before. And second dates, and tenth. A lot. Dating is fun when you know it's not forever. Less pressure, more not-giving-a-fuck. More _ fucking _ and not really caring about bad impressions.

But this is scary and it's weird and it's awkward. It's exciting. And it's kind of exhilarating and it's funny, too, because Hyunwoo has just panic-bought him an overly-frothy cappuccino and has shredded a napkin up in his clammy hands, and if this was any of those other first dates, Hyungwon would probably be texting Minhyuk under the table to fake an emergency and call him to get him out of this situation, but it's not just any first date, it's his first soul-date, and Hyungwon's phone is still in his jacket pocket and they’re not even talking, just watching each other and smiling.

"It's my fault that it's awkward," Hyunwoo says. "I just, I’ve been thinking since we met, and— and I think that maybe they've made a mistake."

"What?"

Hyunwoo's eyebrows pull further and further together as he speaks. He’s not smiling not. "It’s just… I’m not…”

_ Oh. _ Hyungwon thinks he might understand where Hyunwoo is leading with this.

It's not like he hasn't thought about the possibility that his soulmate might not be exactly comfortable with the card handed to them by fate. He _ has_. He's dated guys before (more so than girls, when he thinks about the numbers) but when they'd shaken hands in the practice room and Hyungwon knew, for sure, that he was standing in front of his forever, he'd wondered, just for a second, why his soulmate hadn't turned out to be the petite, wide eyed girl he knows his parents always pictured him with.

Maybe Hyunwoo has always pictured himself with a girl too. Maybe this is a disappointment. 

"Into men?" Hyungwon provides just as Hyunwoo takes a breath. 

"Beautiful. I'm not beautiful," he says. "Not like you are, anyway." 

Hyungwon is used to being called beautiful, and every variation thereof. It’s not like he’s big-headed, it’s just—he’s been modelling for years, hell he was _ scouted _ because of his face. The fact that he could sing and dance was just an added bonus for his last company. He's used to being called handsome and pretty and beautiful, so he isn't prepared for the wave of absolute relief that washes over him when Hyunwoo says it. He's not having a sexuality crisis, he just thinks Hyungwon is beautiful. Hyungwon can work with that.

"So, you _ do _ find me attractive too?" Hyungwon smiles. "Thank god. It’s nice to know the feeling is reciprocated."

“It is? I'm, uh, I was hoping so, but I wasn't sure. I couldn't get a handle on what you were thinking back there, the other day in the practice room.” Hyunwoo isn't stupid, clearly. He's an idol trainee. He's a dancer. He's been paired up on stage with industry sex symbols. He _ must _know he's attractive. “So, you're, uh, looking forward to the physical aspects of the bond?”

Hyungwon just looks at him. He abandons his cappuccino and leans across the table. "Honestly?” He says. “I'm having to concentrate really hard not to suggest we go to a shitty hotel and take all our clothes off right now."

"Fuck,” Hyunwoo breathes. The air is electric. 

All in all, cappuccino and awkward start aside, it's a _ very _ good first date.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got so many no mercy feelings when re-editing this! :3

They walk the backstreets for hours and it’s funny, because Hyungwon doesn't just _go_ for walks, can't see the point in it usually (it’s exercise for one, and it’s also time that could be spent sleeping), but he can understand it now. He thinks that maybe he would walk forever if it was next to Hyunwoo, which is a scary thought, but it's comforting too, because even if he hardly knows him, Hyungwon is already sure that Hyunwoo feels the same.

“I had to lie down straight after me met.” Hyunwoo rubs his face with the palm of his hand and shakes his head, laughing at himself. “Just to process it all, how hot you are and what it all means. The staff thought I was sick.”

“Had you ever thought about it, before?" Hyungwon asks. "About how you’d meet your—how _we’d_ meet, I mean.”

Hyunwoo nods. “I had a feeling that we’d meet through the industry. It would make sense. I thought maybe… I thought maybe you’d be in a different group. Or an actor. Are you _sure _you’re not an actor?”

“I’m whatever the company want me to be,” Hyungwon says, dryly. He means it to come out less spiritless and more humorous, but the fact that it doesn't isn't a surprise. What he wants to be and what he's allowed to be have been two different things for a while now and while he is desperately clinging onto the tiny bit of hope that Starship will be different, he's a realist at heart.

“I don’t believe that for a second.” Hyunwoo looks at him with intent. “You dance _so_ well. And you’re a vocalist too.”

Hyungwon grins. "Have you been stalking me?" He doesn't mention that he's been doing exactly the same. “I’m—yeah. I want to... I enjoy modelling and stuff, but _music_. I’m here for the music. That's why I came to Starship.”

“Me too. We should get together alone in the dance studio.” He says and then pauses. His face flushes as he adds, “Not like  _ that, _ just to play around with choreography.”

“Not like that?” Hyungwon says. “Shame, I quite like the idea of getting away with grinding on you in the practise room with the lights off.”

Hyunwoo is still red faced when he asks, “Are you flirting with me?”

“Yeah.” Hyungwon grins. “But, you’d know that right? Soulmate intuition and all.”

“I know.” Hyunwoo dips his head and smirks. “I just wanted to hear you say it.”

Hyungwon laughs. He’s enjoying this. Flirting before was a fruitless task: maybe you’d get laid afterwards but it wasn’t ever actually_ going_ anywhere, it would never be more than a fleeting fling. But this is natural, like breathing. It’s crazy how much he wants Hyunwoo already.

“Why did you want to hear me say it? Does the sound of my voice do things to you?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

They flirt as if its going out of fashion—relentless, desperate, heady with lust and love and the knowledge that the universe itself wants this as much as they do, but it isn’t until five days later that they actually find themselves alone in a locked room.

Hyungwon raises an eyebrow and says, “I’m not fucking you for the first time in this bathroom.” He isn’t exactly high maintenance, and he hasn’t got laid in forever, but— but this different. This is their  _ first time _ . Stealing alone time in a cafe bathroom after vocal training is not exactly romantic, but it is all they have right now.

“I have some class. Not much, maybe, but... I just really need to touch you.” Hyunwoo leans against the door and pulls Hyungwon towards him by the wrist. “Wait, did you say you’re fucking  _ me _ ?” He asks, like he’s dissecting the words carefully. 

“Oh, you’d say no to that, would you?” Hyungwon crosses his arms. He doesn't care who fucks who, hell he'd do nothing but suck Hyunwoo off for the next thirty years if thats what he wanted, but that isn't the point here.

“I didn’t say that. I'd just never thought of it before.” Hyunwoo looks guilty for a moment and Hyungwon wonders how many guys he’s actually slept with, if any. Maybe he’s only ever fucked girls, Hyungwon doesn't know that much about him yet.

Hyungwon shrugs. “Think of it, then.” He adds, “I want to do everything with you, but, like, I definitely want to do that.” And he does, as soon as they met, as soon as he knew that Hyunwoo was his forever and took in his height, his size, he’d pictured Hyunwoo underneath him. 

He’d pictured Hyunwoo holding him down, too. And bending him over tables, and pushing him up against walls. He’d take it any way, if he’s honest. He wants anything Hyunwoo will give him, and he’s pretty certain Hyunwoo feels exactly the same. He can practically  _ feel _ how much Hyunwoo wants him. Maybe they  _ should _ have sex right here. 

“Yeah... I’m thinking.” There’s a small smile playing on Hyunwoo’s lips, his hand on Hyungwon’s waist. 

Hyungwon watches his face carefully. He’s glad they’re practically exactly the same height, that he can look right into Hyunwoo’s eyes. “And?” It comes out in a breath. He’s so turned on it  _ hurts. _

“And I’m thinking it’s a hot idea.”

Hyungwon grins. “I knew you would,” he says, and when they kiss it’s desperate and messy and ends far,  _ far  _ too soon for their liking. 

Hyungwon smiles. “Have you told anyone yet?” He asks. He doesn’t really mean _ anyone _ , he means the staff, the company. He means someone official.

But Hyunwoo clearly knows what he means, because he looks apprehensive as he shakes his head. “I don’t—I don’t know if we should. No one needs to know our business, not yet, anyway."

“It’s in our contract.” Hyungwon rocks the empty coffee cup back and forth between his hands. “We signed to say we'd have... What was it? Complete transparency with the company in regards to your fated bond... I think that's what it reads."

“No one abides by that term, not really.” Hyunwoo frowns. “Unless you—do you _want_ us to tell them?”

Hyungwon just shakes his head. _Us,_ he thinks. It seems so natural to think of them as a pair now, two halves of the same entity, even though they barely know each other. It’s been less than four weeks. He can hardly get his head around it, but it’s not a bad feeling. Us feels right.

“No, I was hoping you'd feel the same about this. I mean, there are worse secrets to keep,” Hyungwon says. “As secrets go, you’re a pretty good one.” He grins and toes at Hyunwoo’s ankle under the table.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And you’re probably going to debut soon, so it probably won’t come up for a while.” Hyungwon shrugs. He’s heard rumours about the company’s plans. About the quartet that Hyunwoo is set to debut as a part of. Which is fine, which is good. It would be too weird, he thinks, to debut with your soulmate. Too risky. 

He’s glad for it, really.

“We won’t be seeing each other so much anyway once your group debuts,” he says. “I heard you’ll have debuted by winter. Gunhee and Jooheon were talking about it. So it's not like we'll be together in public much. The company... Well, they needn't know.”

Except, Hyunwoo doesn’t debut that Winter.

Instead, they’re both called to a meeting with at least half of the trainees they usually have classes with. Minhyuk smiles widely when he sees Hyungwon, but the smile falters as the seconds tick on and the group wait for the staff to tell them what the fuck is going on. Jooheon whispers something to Hyunwoo, but Hyungwon can’t hear what. Hyunwoo rubs at his chin with an agitated hand and Hyungwon knows that whatever they’re being gathered for, it’s not a holiday.

By the time the meeting has ended, Hyungwon realises he either debuts in the same group as his soulmate or he doesn’t debut at all. So, obviously, they’re going to have to deal with this together.

It’s the only option. The other option—one of them giving up their dream (and, Hyungwon knows that Hyunwoo is a dead-cert for this group)—is not viable.

It’s not happening. No way in _hell_.

Hyunwoo says this, in a practise room with the lights off. He has Hyungwon pushed up against the wall, door wedged shut with a chair, and Hyungwon can feel his heartbeat in his throat, his whole body on fire with want, as Hyunwoo nips at his ear. “This is bullshit,” he murmurs. “Pitting us against each other like—like—” he breaks off and makes a noise of frustration.

He says nothing more about the meeting, and Hyungwon says nothing in response. He isn’t in the mood for talking right now, and talking doesn’t always provide relief. Forgetting everything else underneath Hyunwoo’s touch? _That _is the relief Hyungwon wants to feel right now. And if they have to get it done within fifteen minutes, crammed into the tiniest rehearsal space (really, it might as well be a cupboard, Hyungwon thinks,) that’s okay.

Or, maybe, it’s more than okay. Maybe he kind of likes the fact that they’re keeping them on the downlow. He’s never been one for public displays of affection, anyway, and sneaking around is pretty sexy. He just wishes, sometimes, that it were truly by choice and not by necessity now. If the company knew they were soulmates, there's no way they'd let them debut together. 

After the first ranking, which leaves him disappointed in himself, Hyungwon’s fire is burning with slightly less tenacity.  “If we don’t debut together, that’s okay,” he says. He isn’t sure if he means it, but saying it aloud feels right.

Hyunwoo disagrees, apparently, because his eyes fixate on the wall behind Hyungwon’s head and his expression darkens. “Let’s not think about not debuting.” He pours out more soju.

Hyungwon takes a shot. “Why? You’re going to debut.” Hyungwon has no doubts. Unless Hyunwoo fucks something up completely between now and February, there is absolutely no way in hell that he isn’t debuting. “Unless we get found out and they don’t like the fact that we’ve been doing all this stuff secretly.” He motions between them, shot glass in hand. “Which they won’t.”

Hyunwoo breathes out deeply, and looks down at the table. “Won’t find out or won’t like it?”

Hyungwon replies, “Either.”

He still won’t look Huyngwon in the eye and Hyungwon would be pissed about it, but he knows how stressed out Hyunwoo is, and he can’t blame him.

“I want you to get to debut,” Hyunwoo says, finally looking at him in the eye. And he looks worried, he looks conflicted and earnest, and so fucking hot. Hyungwon guesses he’s biased, but it’s true.

Hyungwon pours them both another drink and shrugs. “I want to debut, too, but if only one of us gets to debut in the group, you know it’ll be-”

“We’ll both debut,” Hyunwoo says. “We’ll make it, together”

They order another bottle and drink it even faster than the first, and when they kiss it’s with the kind of desperation Hyungwon hasn’t felt in a long time. 

As it turns out, Hyunwoo isn’t wrong. Hyungwon glances at him, stood across the stage in his stupid tight t shirt. He wants to march over there and hug him tight. He wants to kiss him too, but that will have to wait.

He hugs Minhyuk and he accepts Hyorin’s congratulations with a grin, and when Hyunwoo is finally in front of him—member and soulmate and everything else—saying something silly about debuting with someone so handsome, Hyungwon just about manages to keep a straight face.

When the cameras are gone, and they finally get some time alone, he laughs until his ribs hurt.

Hyunwoo groans. “Why did I say that?”

“Because you want to get us caught?” Hyungwon suggests. His eyes feel tired and scratchy from the harsh studio lights, but he isn’t mad. He can’t be, Hyungwon has realised this. It’s impossible to be mad at Hyunwoo and it might be partly because he’s literally part of his soul, but it’s also because he’s just so damn genuine. He’s genuine, and nice and true to himself, and you can’t be angry at that. It’s part of his charm, Hyungwon thinks.

“How would that get us caught? You’re a visual, you’re a  _ model _ . If I didn’t say something about your face it would’ve been more suspicious!” He pauses. “Plus, I really  _ didn’t  _ think we’d be debuting together. Not until they announced this whole survival show.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Hyungwon replies. Actually, he hadn’t let himself believe he would be getting to debut at all until about an hour ago, but he doesn’t say that. He tugs at his bottom lip with his teeth and breathes out a long sigh of relief. “Yeah, this is going to be… Interesting.”

“Unless we tell the truth now before, it’s all official.”

“It’s already official,” Hyungwon says. 

“I know, But, I mean, we haven’t actually debuted yet.” Hyunwoo’s eyes search his own.

“You think we should tell the company?” Hyungwon asks. “That we’ve been hiding that we’re soulmates?”

Hyunwoo’s face falls a little. “Maybe it’s not the best idea.”

_ Maybe, _ Hyungwon thinks. Maybe it’s a _terrible_ idea. “Let’s talk about it later. Shall we see where the others are?” He asks, and the tension dissipates just a little.

The others, they find, are backstage, clothes strewn on chairs, shoes kicked off. Everyone looks tired and shocked, but there’s still a ripple of energy flowing through the room.

“We did it,” Hoseok whispers in a voice full of emotion, and when Hyungwon looks up there are tears in his eyes. “We actually made it.”

Jooheon is frowning, looking down at his phone and Hyungwon wonders if he's thinking about Gunhee. Minhyuk crosses the room collapses next to him. "Hyungwonie, can you believe it? Am I dreaming?" He asks. "I think this is the best day of my whole life."

They really can’t tell the truth, Hyungwon realises. They can’t unsettle what’s just happened. Can’t risk it putting back debut - or worse - for the other five people in the room by causing a fuss, by admitting to the company that they're matched by fate. It's too late for that and they have group mates to think of now. 

So, they don’t talk about it later, they don’t talk about it at all, not even once. 

Then they debut.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i hadn't forgotten about this story, i just... couldn't work on it for a while!  
anyway, if anyone is reading it hello & thank you!

They debut together, and they live together, and they get next to no alone time.

It’s annoying, but they try not to resent it, because it’s no one’s fault but their own. It’s funny at the same time, how difficult it is to not become that stereotypical soulmate couple—joined at the hip and so in sync it hurts—and how hard it is to pretend they’re not together at all, but they don’t have any other choice.

Hoseok kicks himself out of their shared room one night because he’s sick, and he leaves with a blanket and four pillows to camp down on the sofa, away from the group, with an armful of medicines. “Miss you already,” he tells them, but he doesn’t look too sad about it.

All of them could do with some more time to themselves, Hyungwon guesses.

“Does it make me an awful person if I say I’m kind of relieved we are finally getting some alone time?” Hyungwon whispers into the darkness once Hoseok has headed out into the living room. 

“Yes.” Hyunwoo laughs. “But that means I’m awful too.”

“Pretending not to be your soulmate is tiring,” Hyungwon says. “And I’m tried enough from all of our schedules already. At least I'm not sick, though. Poor Hoseok-hyung, getting sick _ again _.”

Hyungwon feels the bed dip as Hyunwoo gets in beside him, and then there are strong arms enveloping him tightly. Fuck, he’s missed this. It’s been weeks since they’ve been alone for long enough for it to really, truly count.

Hyunwoo slides a hand up under Hyungwon’s top. “He’ll be okay.” His lips meet the exposed skin above where Hyungwon’s t-shirt opens at the neck. 

Hyungwon smiles and keens into the touch. “I still feel bad.”

“He’ll meet his soulmate one day and he’ll understand it,” Hyunwoo replies, his mouth close to Hyungwon’s ear now.

“He might already have met them,” Hyungwon points out and tries not to let his brain short circuit as Hyunwoo continues to press insistent kisses to his skin. “We don’t know.”

“True. It makes you wonder, doesn’t it?” Hyunwoo pulls away a little to speak. “I wonder how many of us could be keeping the same kind of secret.”

Hyungwon hums and says, “Do you ever wish we didn’t have to?”

“Yeah.” Hyunwoo is closer again, his breath warm on Hyungwon’s neck. “Do you want to fuck?”

Hyungwon grins into the darkness and says, “_Obviously _ I do.”

Hyungwon has learnt where the springs creak on his mattress. He knows intimately which boards of the bedframe are weakest, and which of his pillows muffles his moans the best. He guesses it’s the same for all of them- a group of guys living together become good at hiding the most private of activities in silent movements in the dead of night. 

They never fully undress, just in case the need to make a quick dash for separate beds to avoid suspicion. Not that it would be unusual for one of the group to be sleeping in another’s bed, they’re close like that already. Still, Hyungwon is certain that the truth would show on his face, in his eyes. Sometimes he’s certain it shows anyway.

Hyunwoo already knows what makes Hyungwon feel good. Maybe it’s instinctive, being soulmates and all. Maybe he’s just that good at fucking, Hyungwon doesn’t care which it is, really. He just knows it feels amazing here, Hyunwoo's weight against him reassuring and overwhelming all at once. It's a shame, Hyungwon thinks, that they don't have endless amounts of time to spend like this. 

They don't have the whole night, because it's already after midnight and they'll be up at six for schedules. They don't get lie-ins, they don't get hours to spend alone, drinking in the taste of each other. All they get to enjoy is fleeting kisses, furtive looks, fumbles in a cramped single bed. But it's their own fault. Or it's fate's fault. Either way, there isn't anything that they can do about it aside from enjoy the little time alone that they do have.

They kiss, slow at first, tasting each other, warming up, but then they become more impatient— their bodies waking up to the fact that this is their time, _ finally _, to let go of the pent-up frustration, the longing, that they’ve been feeling for the last eight days. Eight days of living together, working together, always together, but never alone. 

Hyungwon grips at the hem of Hyunwoo’s T-shirt and Hyunwoo takes the hint, sits up and tugs it over his head. Hyunwoo is often without a top in the dorm, so it wouldn’t look anything unusual if someone were to knock on the door. 

Still, it’s a shame that they have to think that way, Hyungwon thinks. And Hyunwoo must be thinking identical thoughts (as they’ve found they often are) because he sighs. “Wish we could do this properly,” he mutters. 

“Properly?”

“You know— naked.” He smiles. “Like most people do it.”

Hyungwon says, “Same. Hey, maybe we could shower together sometime? To save water.”

Hyunwoo laughs and looks away. He’s already flushed pink from the making out, but the blush reaches his ears now, which Hyungwon thinks is funny because he sends the dirtiest kakaotalk messages to Hyungwon when they’re apart, and yet here and now, talking about just being _ naked _ he’s blushing. 

“Yeah, that’d be good,” he says. “Really good.”

“Yeah? Think about it tomorrow while we’re recording.” Hyungwon smirks. “When you’re singing, think of me sucking you off in the shower.”

Hyunwoo makes a strangled sort of noise, low and guttural, and it goes straight to Hyungwon’s dick. It’s like that between soulmates— a deep and unending sort of lust that feels good, feels _ natural _ . Hyungwon’s read stuff on the internet, mainly on the _ just found my soulmate _subreddit about new couples who can’t keep their hands off each other, who lose entire weeks to fucking. Whose minds are so in sync they can get off just thinking of each other. 

Hyungwon is pretty sure that, if they had the luxury of being able to concentrate solely on each other, they could be like that. But they don’t have that luxury. Sometimes it makes him ache with sadness. He guesses Hyunwoo feels the same. 

Hyunwoo presses himself against Hyungwon on the bed and kisses him deeply. Hyungwon bites softly at Hyunwoo’s bottom lip, because he knows he likes it, and he rolls his hips upward, needing friction, needing to be closer to his soulmate. Hyunwoo is only wearing underwear, but Hyungwon sleeps in his old practise shorts and even though the material is thin, aging polyester, it frustratingly blocks the close contact he craves. Hyunwoo must sense this because he slides a hand down under the waistband of Hyungwon’s shorts and closes his fist around Hyungwon’s dick, giving him the skin on skin touch that he’s been wanting all day. 

Hyungwon lifts his hips and shoves his shorts down over his ass, kicking them off under the covers. He makes a mental note to remember they’re at the bottom of the bed in case they’re interrupted, and whines when Hyunwoo’s hand reached further down between them and grabs a handful of his ass. “Are we… Do you wanna fuck me? You have to be quiet though. Like— really quiet.”

Hyunwoo nods and Hyungwon rolls over onto his stomach and reaches under his bed for the lube he shoved right down the back next to the wall. They all have their own hiding places for this sort of stuff; no bed or couch in this goddamn apartment is safe from lube, condoms, whatever. Hyungwon knows for a fact that Minhyuk has a vibrating plug in the bottom left-hand drawer of the bathroom cabinet, neatly crammed inside a small makeup bag, but that’s a conversation to have with him another time.

Hyungwon finds what he’s searching for, holding back a shout as Hyunwoo kneads his ass-cheek carelessly. “I said we have to be quiet,” he hisses, and Hyunwoo mumbles an apology, shifting to let Hyungwon settle on his back on the bed as he takes the small tube of lube from him and gets to work coating his fingers.

Hyungwon holds his legs at the thighs and closes his eyes, waits for the gentle press of Hyunwoo’s finger at his entrance. 

The first time they’d done this, he’d been endlessly careful, slow and measured. His hands had been shaking, and Hyungwon had said, “Seriously?” and had grinned happily to himself as Hyunwoo had muttered, “This is a big deal, this is— if I’m bad at this you’re gonna be _so_ mad you ended up with me.”

He hadn’t been bad at it.

Tonight he slips a second finger in soon after he’s opening Hyungwon up, and then a third, flexing his fingers inside as Hyungwon tries to breathe steadily. He feels too hot, it's too good, and he wants to be able to vocalise it, even if he’s never been a vocal kind of guy in bed before. He wants to tell Hyunwoo that this is fucking amazing and that he wants his cock in him, but instead of using words he stares at Hyunwoo until he looks up from what he’s doing and meets his eyes. He seems to understand Hyungwon’s request, pulling his fingers out and taking his dick in his hand, his underwear pushed down underneath his hard-on. 

“Come on.” Hyungwon sighs. “Want it.”

And Hyunwoo is almost there, one hand on Hyungwon’s knee, pushed out to the side, and the other lining himself up against Hyungwon’s entrance, and Hyungwon’s heartbeat is in his mouth, in his chest, in his dick, which twitches against his stomach, and then—

Then the creaking of a door, the sound of footsteps and muffled voices, that become less muffled as they enter the hallway outside the room. 

“Why are you out here?” Kihyun’s voice is loud, like he’s been listening to something through headphones in his room and hasn’t quite adjusted to the quiet of the living room yet. 

“I’m sick,” Hyungwon hears Hoseok’s voice from the living room. The door must be open. “Sleeping here.”

“You’re not sleeping, you’re on the computer.” Kihyun tuts. 

Hyunwoo sits back, eyes locked on Hyungwon’s. The sound of their breathing seems louder than it had before in the darkened room. They wait for signs that it’s okay to keep going, that they have the privacy they crave, but the sign doesn’t come.

There are more footsteps and another voice. Changkyun is there too. “You’re composing,” he says from somewhere outside the door and it sounds like an accusation laced with concern. “Unless you’ve started sleeping sitting up with headphones in.”

Hyungwon sighs. He shuts his legs and rolls onto his side to give Hyunwoo room to lie down next to him. _ Fuck _. He’s still half-hard, annoyed, frustrated. They lie there and listen to the conversation going on outside of their little world. The voices are quieter now and Hyungwon can’t make out what they’re saying, but then footsteps approach the room, and Hyunwoo pulls a panicked face at him. Hyungwon feels at the bottom of the bed for his shorts and grabs them just in time.

Hyunwoo gets to the door just as Changkyun knocks on it. “Uhuh?”

“Hyung is sick but he won’t sleep.” Changkyun’s hair is soft and fluffy in the dim light of the hallway. Hyungwon watches them talking from his bed, one eye open. “As leader, we vote that you scold him.”

“Or we could sit up with him and keep him company?” Kihyun suggests. “For thirty minutes, on the basis that we all then try to sleep.”

Hyunwoo nods. “Yes,” he says. “Anyone hungry? I might cook midnight ramen.” 

“I’ll have some,” Hyungwon speaks up. “Put the stove on and I’ll see if Minhyuk and Jooheonie want to get up and eat."

They do, of course they do, and so the seven of them end up crowded into the living room, slurping hot noodle soup and laughing at nothing in particular, and Hyungwon can't even find it in him to stay disappointed. 

**Author's Note:**

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